The Post in which I'm vulnerable...

I wrote this last week when I was feeling particularly upset over my recent change in symptoms...I am feeling super vulnerable by putting this out there for people to see, but I hope at least one person can gain some encouragement from it...

The reality of my life is that I live with this disease/chronic illness every single day. Whether or not I choose to accept it? Well that is a different story. Sometimes I am in denial that I was ever diagnosed with this embarrassing “bathroom” disease. No one wants to talk about something that is centered around a toilet… it’s not exactly table conversation.

             Three and a half years ago? I was mad at God. I was so mad that at such a pivotal moment in my life, I would be knocked down… physically weak and emotionally exhausted from my “new life”. Also add in the fact that I was about to try my hand at living on my own, in a new town, and begin my college education, all while living with something that was so foreign to me.

            To say that I am not the same person today, that I was four years ago, is an understatement (in my opinion- and I like to think I know myself pretty well). Who would’ve thought that almost four years later, I would have learned to embrace this “bathroom disease”? With the support from my family, friends, and even strangers, I have learned that IT IS OKAY to have bad days (my bad days consist of pajamas, saltines, Gatorade, and the bathroom), IT IS OKAY to be mad at this awful disease that has taken over my colon, IT IS OKAY to have fears. And while I know that it’s okay to have bad days and fears, there is something else that I know.

             I know that I have a Creator who loves me despite the imperfections of my physical body. I know that I will have an eternal life with the One who made me and I’ll be in a place where there is no pain, frustration, or fear. I know that I believe in a God that provides comfort, rest, healing, and reassurance, all on His own time.

            I’m not sure what prompted me to write this, but I hope that today you can rest in the fact that the One who made you, loves you. Regardless of any physical challenges- Crohn’s, ulcerative colitis, or any other chronic illness, He loves us despite our imperfections, and that is something we can always be sure of.